The noise in my head has been a bit overwhelming lately. I’m not talking about the tinnitus, which has become my life’s constant, ever-present ringing soundtrack. It’s everything else. Thinking about the future and how we will take care of ourselves. Worrying about family and friends. How will we help to care for them? How much help will they need? Present projects. Future projects. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Even photography, the activity I turn to when I want some solo, meditative time, has been giving me fits lately. My expectations are outpacing my abilities and vision. For the moment, anyway.
None of this is particularly interesting or earth-shatteringly important, but the frustration and anxiety are real and mine to deal with.
So, I did what I do. I went for a walk. But first, I dug way in the back of a drawer, found my Holga and loaded it with some FP4+. I didn’t worry too much about reacquainting myself with a camera that I haven’t used in many years. Beyond what is seen in the viewfinder there’s not much else to think about with a Holga.
I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want to see scar, failure, disorder, distortion.
― Yohji Yamamoto
Here are the results of that roll of FP4+, minus the two unexposed frames. Oops.
Today I have the Holga and three rolls of Ektar ready to go. I won’t be putting this toy camera back in a drawer again.
YEAH!! Love these.
Thanks! I went out this afternoon and ran 3 rolls of Ektar through the camera. I had some specific things in mind with these shots, so I’ll see how succesful I was after i develop tomorrow.